Excuses for all situations

in most cases the truth is the best way to go,
but we all know that there comes a time when a lie is necessary...
so here's a couple to help you out of those sticky situations...

some guidelines in makeing your excuses

be as vague as is humanly possible...
hard to be triped up if you're vague enough...

think about the person you're lying to before you lie to them...
How much do they know about you?, how gullable are they?,
can they check up on you?, have they caught you before?
will you be seeing them in the near future or
is there a chance you might run into them?

be simple... goes hand in hand with being vague...
remember the more complex the lie,
the easier it will be for you to get caught...

always act offended if they ask you if you're lying...

never say "maybe another time" because they will ask again...

simple common excuses

I have a ______ (sore throat, queezy stomach, nasty headache, etc...)

I was caught in traffic,
or I got stuck behind some bozo driving really slow, or got caught by a train...

I'm sorry but it just slipped my mind...

you know, I'm so busy right now... well I'll try to make it if I can...

I was just on my way to do that...

and my favorite, I would love to go,
but unfortunatly I already have a prior commitment...

the whoppers

warning: don't use these excuses in serious situations,
they're basically just to see if you can get away with them...

I hit a dog with my ______ (car, motercycle, moped, bycicle, foot, etc...)
and had to take it to the vet, and I felt so sorry for it
that I stayed by its side all night comforting it...

I was absent due to an inexplicable absence...

I was in jail... on my way home, I saw a gang of hoodlums
beating on an old lady and I stoped to help her
but when the cops arrived they just arrested everyone without even asking questions...

I came down with a bad case of ______
( russian measels, small pox, yellow gendis, bubonic plague, etc...)

I'm sorry I'm late, but the power went off last night
and my alarm clock was destroyed by the serge when the power returned...

my ______ ( grandmother, grandfather, cousin, aunt, uncle, dog, cat, fish,
bird, best friends' cousins' former roomates' illigitimate childs' adopted fathers' uncle, etc...) died...

I have to make a speech at the _____
( church assembly, womens' rights seminar,
mayoral canidate debate, little sisters' graduation, national girl guides conference, etc...)